Underneath It All

A friend on Facebook posted the following request.

A positive only political post. No posting conspiracy theories or anything negative. What good has Trump done for the world? What good has Hillary Clinton done? No candidate bashing. I really want to know.

It seemed reasonable enough, right? It gave her friends a chance to respectfully state a positive action of one of the candidates. It didn’t even have to be their candidate— just say something good about one of these two people.  This sounded to me like the perfect opportunity for adults to engage in civil discourse with respect. It didn’t go as well as hoped. There were a few very good points about Hillary’s accomplishments. There was actually a lot more snide remarking. It seemed actually difficult for people to validate that a woman in her 60’s, who is as experienced as she is, has done anything good in her lifetime. It was sort of a final straw for me.

And then it came to me, what was better said here on my own blog than on someone else’s wall:

Hillary has a vagina. This makes her less likely to be a dick. 

While that may sound inflammatory, it’s also reinforced. The following statements will fall in to the “more or less likely” and will have the potential for a few notable exceptions.

  • Women are less likely to be narcissistic and abusive, especially if in leadership roles.
  • Women are less likely be bullies
  • Women are nurturing and intuitive and bring those skills to sensitive situations where diplomacy is needed
  • Women, having been in the underdog role for generations, are more interested in true equality than in role reversal

Donald Trump has really bad manners. He’s rude, crass, mean, insulting, humiliating, and spouts off at the worst times. Setting his opinions and platforms aside, I haven’t once seen him not behave like a total asshole—whether he’s firing someone on a TV show, addressing the grieving parents of a war hero, or speaking to a female reporter. Hillary isn’t perfect– if I could have another smart woman running, I would most likely choose a different one. But she reminds me a lot of why I changed doctors. 

I’d rather have a woman physician (and lawyer, therapist, dentist, etc) than a man. This is largely (not entirely) because she has a vagina and that makes her less likely to be a dick.

My female attorney and doctors speak to me with intelligence and expect intelligence in return. They look me in the eye and they listen. They take me seriously. They are able to relate to the struggles I’m encountering in life, many of which are specifically because I am a woman/mother/wife. They’ve had to work harder to get to the same places as their male counterparts and they are smarter and more experienced for it.

And I trust that.

So I have since changed my doctors, dentist, therapist, and now presidential candidate. I tried life the male-dominated, conservative republican, evangelical, top-down traditional way. The result has largely been displeasing. Male doctors have told me to, “get over it”. They’ve said, “you’re just depressed” and “you’re hysterical” and to, “calm down.” Male attorneys left massive gaps that didn’t protect either my or my children’s best interests because he felt, “single women are better off going home to live with their parents.” Male dentists forced their hands into my mouth without saying hello or explaining what they were about to do. Male government leaders have led us into wars I don’t want America’s children to fight and continue policies that keep half of the population from experiencing anything close to equal rights and equal pay. Under the status quo of male dominated leadership, there is more division, fear, weapons, sex-motivated scandal, and hate.

America needs a nap. America needs a mother. I think it needs a smart woman with a cool head on cranky day, someone who looks people in the eye and rolls up her sleeves and comes at these problems from a different angle. I want my boys to see the value of women in leadership, just as they have in the classroom, and to respect smart women who bring something to the table. However, I also teach them to respect all women, smart or not, because manners matter.

I fired my rude doctors and my insulting attorney because they weren’t doing a good job of protecting my interests or advocating on my behalf. Donald should be fired as well. He’s not doing a good job this very day of respecting others. He’s not doing a good job this very day of carrying the mantle of responsibility his convention gave to him.

He’s being a dick.


(And for those who are concerned that this is against equality, that some forms of feminism discount the unique value of men– I’m sorry that might be happening. We really are far away from any kind of woman dominated society, although that’s an idea whose time has come. Good men will find a way to contribute, just as smart women have had to fight to do for millennia. Perhaps good men can start by putting the negative examples and representatives they’ve allowed to rise to the top while behaving badly into check. Good men, fire Donald.)

Rows and rows and rows of heroes.

Rows and rows and rows of heroes. Let’s stop governing in a way that requires a blood sacrifice.


  1. Dalissa McEwen

    August 3, 2016 at 6:21 pm

    I hear you and I feel you. Hillary has accomplished so much that has gone unrecognized. No, she was not my candidate of choice, and, yes, it has taken me traveling the long way around to realize that I will most likely vote for her purely to keep a Trump presidency from happening.

  2. Joe Stout

    August 3, 2016 at 10:32 pm

    As a man, I’m a little offended to be generalized as a dick. But at the same time, I understand completely. This is a reputation that has been earned over years of male dominance and disrespect for women. It’s something that guys who actually give a damn will have to strive to overcome, to prove that they don’t belong in the generalization. It’s something I’m not always successful with, but it’s something I try to be conscious of in my professional and personal life. The fact that I have a dick doesn’t give me the right to be one, or look down on those that don’t have one.

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