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Welcome, Dear Fellows on this journey,

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My reels are listed by category in this directory.

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"But the dreamers of the day are dangerous people, for they think their dreams into reality with eyes wide open." - TE Lawrence

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From My Instagram

tialevingswriter

My happiest moment today will go down as one of th

My happiest moment today will go down as one of the happiest moments of my life—right up there with births and weddings. And it happened right before this, head bowed in front of my computer, crying, because my contract came in. (Details forthcoming!)

I never expected to be alone in that moment. I never expected it to be entirely electronic. But I did expect it—I’ve worked hard for it with my eye on the goal and I believed that I could do it. Mindset + vision can take a determined woman a long way, but not the whole way. There were wise guides and door openers and incredible encouragers along the way. No one gets anywhere truly alone.

Is that ballsy? Or the female equivalent of ballsy? I can be fierce + goal oriented, and that drives me to persist. The climb was largely private—and I guess in the end, it made sense the milestone of the contract was private too.

Still, the Happy Days project called for a photo. So I set the timer and started laughing. I thought about everything I’ve overcome to be here, everything I’ve pushed through. I was laughing hysterically, gobsmacked and overjoyed. I’m not sure what my hands were doing here—I really try to make the happy days photos unposed. More of a scene capture.

So what’s this scene? An author with a book deal. A grown woman with grown, independent children. A fierce and sometimes silly free spirit high on life. A trauma survivor. A storyteller. I’m everything the patriarchy told me I shouldn’t be and that feels fucking awesome.

This Day 2 of the Happy Days. Want to join this transformation? Grab the pdf, link in bio.

#bookdeal #memoir #happydays #30happydays #mindsetchallenge #traumasurvivor #religioustrauma #exevangelical #iamfree #celebrategoodtimes

When I lived in high-control religion, what I fear

When I lived in high-control religion, what I feared the most was losing community. Ultimately, the heavenly kingdom, but also, Wednesday night potluck. Belonging to a group is a powerful anchor. And leadership wasn’t hesitant to remind us how quickly we’d be left out unless we complied.

Then I was excommunicated. I’d insisted on writing a well-trafficked blog when the women were to be silent. Then I refused to put my work in my husband’s name. When I wrote admiringly about female saints, it was the final straw.

That was 15 years ago. For me, excommunication was a first step, not the final one. It was a new beginning. When I later escaped harrowing violence, I was instantly met with support on the “outside.” Every condemnation the pastors screamed turned out to be a lie—contrary to their warnings, I found love and life out here.

My work today is dedicated to supporting my fellow survivors & to revealing connections between shifts in our society and their Christian Fundamentalist influences. It’s turning back with an outstretched hand to those who want to thrive, not just survive.

To that end I’ve added two new spaces to my work. A newsletter on how to SHINE and a private space for deeper conversations.

In the coming weeks I’ll also be adding Office Hours and I have a GIANT ANNOUNCEMENT coming soon.

Links to A Different Communion and SHINE are in my bio. I hope you’ll join me in proving the patriarchs wrong 🌻🌻🌻🌻

#fundies #religioustrauma #traumahealingjourney #igotout #communion #exevangelical #deconstruction #exmo #exjw #reclaimed #imasurvivor #quiverfull #fundiesnark #realitycheck #duggars #19kids #keepsweet #traumarecovery

Even coming from fundamentalism, I still get chill

Even coming from fundamentalism, I still get chills when I see them screaming the quiet parts out loud. Check out the video on @crazymotherrunner_ for the whole declaration of this fascist event.

The democracy issue is a painful one though, not only because I love my country and my family serves in the military, but because I know so many evangelicals I grew up with, who are lovely people and who try to do the right thing and lead with love, don’t realize how theocratic their chosen leadership is. Christian fundamentalists and the IBLP are not pro-democracy. They’re using it as a tool to advance their cause and if they achieve it, democratic rights will be lost—including those of the Christians who allowed them to rise to power.

In the 80s they published this in black and white. Now it spreads online. But what it’s never been is a secret.

For more realities of Christian Fundamentalism grab my free pdfs THE FUNDIE MISSION and the FUNDIE CHEATSHEET, links to both in my bio.

#nationalism #gilead #handmaidstale #smashthepatriarchy #evangelical #exevangelical

So stoked to have my friend and fellow memoir writ

So stoked to have my friend and fellow memoir writer Daniella Mestyanek Young on IG Live to talk about Uncultured.

More than an accounting of harrowing abuse and trauma, Uncultured is a story of fierce resiliency and determination. Remember—when dark stories are told by survivors who’ve found their agency and voice, they become stories of light and power. After escaping one of the most abusive cults in history, Daniella joined the Army. She’s literally a warrior—a fire hot badass who fought for her voice and freedom with such vision that her debut is eagerly anticipated by Apple, Amazon, and Publisher’s Weekly.

I love her for her fierce wit, courage, humor and grit. I learn when we talk and I think you will too. Tune in here on my account September 20, at 7 EST.

#uncultured #stmartinspress #applebooks #publishersweekly #cult #childrenofgod #thefamily #armylife #religioustrauma #exevangelical #missionarykids #womanpower #smashthepatriarchy #fuckthepatriarchy #recovery #exmo #igotout #bookstagram #authorinterview @daniellamyoung_

As a young fundamentalist mother I was mentored to

As a young fundamentalist mother I was mentored to play gospel music nonstop in my home, read only Christian books to my children, offer only Christian education, tie every object lesson to a scripture, eliminate outside influences, and above all––train them to follow my lead, never questioning their parents or God.

I learned children must be trained to understand their highest call was to obey God’s will. They’d receive this instruction from pastors and other men of God would lead them in the cultural behaviors that unified them as Christians. Their job was to spread the gospel, support the kingdom, and remain a unified body in resistance to the enemy.

This mandate was taught at the breast, with their most secure attachment threatened if they didn’t comply. If they wanted independence, they’d have to challenge their survival bonds to do so.

In my story, I drew a line. I wanted my children to think, question, dream and trust. I wanted them to know I loved them all the time, for who they were. I chose motherhood over indoctrination, ultimately facing excommunication and leaving the unified body. And as a result, I raised adults who know their mother loves them more than she followed any idea that supported their harm. They’re secure, independent thinkers.

But the evidence of those congregations is everywhere. Bodies grown who seem like adults on the outside but act like hurt and frightened followers on the inside. Grown children who lose their minds over a black mermaid. Who refuse to hold corruption accountable. Who vote for hideous policies because their leadership said it’s what God wants. Who tremble to question and lash out at the suggestion they should. Bodies who are are still babies on the inside.

For more insight into the realities of Christian Fundamentalism grab my free FUNDIE CHEATSHEET, link in bio.

#religioustrauma #indoctrination #grooming #childhoodtrauma #fundies #duggars #adulting #exevangelical #flds #exmo #focusonthefamily #michaelpearl #training #childtraining #criticalthinking #secureattachment

Have you spent much time thinking what minority ru

Have you spent much time thinking what minority rule looks like? Set democracy and checks and balances aside for a second—especially since you’ve probably never heard a sermon about a strategic take over of America. Churches across the country are often safe havens where people pray for comfort and peace. If you’re in the South especially, church attendance will include a level of patriotism. And there’s so much community. It’s easy to imagine there’s not a Christofacisf takeover planned when your only experience of church is praise, worship, and praying for America.

But when we look under the hood of that engine, we see some disturbing facts.

6 of the SCOTUS judges are Catholic, even though it’s a minority faith in our population.

Fundamentalists are allowed to thrive unchecked by mainstream evangelicals because they represent a purity of the faith.

Through wealthy organizations with strategic patience like the IBLP (and related groups, councils, and superpacs) congress is now stacked with theocratic puppets who push the will of a few, rather than enact the will of the people.

States become building blocks, as do local school boards on issues such as prayer in schools, banned books, revised history, trapped women denied freedom to travel or move, etc.

Please be mindful of the leadership structure of a church: with a few variables for size/makeup, most use a governing board of selected men, topped by a leader connected to the Almighty God. That leader benevolently dictates what the congregation believes and how they behave. When the leader or the governing board needs a takedown, it gets ugly. The “church body” doesn’t always survive.

And where do you suppose that leaves the masses who didn’t want to attend that church?

To get more on the realities of Christian Fundamentalism grab my free pdfs the FUNDIE CHEATSHEET and the FUNDIE MISSION, links to both in my bio.

#theocracy #iblp #christianfundamentalism #fundies #roevswade #scotus #saveourdemocracy #eachonereachone #exevangelical

It was the most common response in hundreds of com

It was the most common response in hundreds of comments between IG and TT: the pastors left out the part about how the husbands were to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Everytime I read it I remembered that no, in my experience the pastors did include that part. They just left it in the lofty, noble abstract.

As a patriarchal wife I wasn’t allowed to use the word “partner” because it sounded gay. The concept was taught only within the context of complementarianism: we were “partners” alright but only the way a top-down “team” works. There was no situation where my preference could trump his, except maybe in a housework scenario because the house was my “realm.”

I remember crying in prayer often that I wasn’t asking my husband to die for me. I was asking for him to take the trash out. But my tears fell on deaf ears because my husband was entrenched in Doug Wilson’s Federal Marriage teachings, endlessly studying theology so he could represent me before God.

Like so many lofty concepts the patriarchy holds, the proof is in the practical evidence of how those ideas play out. The trail of abuse. The exhaustion and suffering—which is then glorified as aligning with Christ. People survive the patriarchy the way they survive a war that consumes those who fight to uphold it. No one thrives in that model long.

Find out more what it’s really like in Christian Fundamentalism with my free FUNDIE CHEATSHEET, link in bio.

#smashthepatriarchy #patriarchy #complementarianism #religioustrauma #submission #dominionism #marriageadvice #christianmarriage #partners #exevangelical #exmo #exjw #19kids #iblp #dougwilson #marriageequality #handmaidstale #gilead

If your expectation of love is endless service, de

If your expectation of love is endless service, despite exhaustion, medical health, emotional bandwidth, desire, or even the hunger to be loved in return…your efforts to be a loving person will drain, exhaust, and harm you. It’s consumption. But it’s with your cooperation because you’ve been convinced that this is how you love.

It actually took more than a decade of therapy for me to detangle this masochistic approach to love. To understand that I was only able to give when I had first given to myself: I was fed, rested, boundaries respected. That it wasn’t “unloving” to say no to segs when I didn’t feel like it. Or unloving to recognize my limitations. Or unloving to allow someone to meet their “basic needs” either themselves or in the care of another.

It’s not seeking “personal reward” to crave mutual love. Or love that isn’t painful. This warped platitude, passed down from tired woman to woman (or from entitled man in the pulpit to the women he wants to be served by) sets her up to cultivate “long suffering.” Otherwise known as smiling through pain, having a good attitude, not making waves, never saying no, always spread your legs, taking naps instead of rest, Proverbs 31’s over-performance, and being like Christ—sacrificially giving of yourself to the point of death because someone’s convinced you is the best way to love someone.

You’re worth more than endless servitude. There is love that doesn’t depend on your consumption. But quiverfull fundie women never hear that. If they start feeling worthy of love without service, the whole system falls down.

To get more insight into the realities of Christian Fundamentalism, grab my free FUNDIE CHEATSHEET, link in bio.

#19kids #19kidsandcounting #quiverfull #iblp #billgothard #duggarfamily #youareworthy #codependencyrecovery #codependency #christianwomen #biblicalwomanhood #proverbs31woman #conditionallove #consumerism #boundaries #fawning #loveisaverb #pleasure #handmaidstale

Bill Gothard held stadium events in the 80s, the w

Bill Gothard held stadium events in the 80s, the way Billy Graham did. Attendees who became devotees of the Institute of Basic Life Principles thought they were following biblical principles with greater devotion, and they returned to their home congregations to set a good example and recruit fellow church members, becoming Sunday School teachers and deacons and Titus 2 women ready to train younger wives to love their husbands through submission. That’s how I got the Gothard fundie mentors I refer to in my video series.

I attended a southern Baptist megachurch back then—1993–with 20k members on the roll. We covered eleven city blocks of property with owned-outright buildings and our pastor was president of the Southern Baptist Convention. That doesn’t sound fringe or extreme, right?

Gothard’s materials were ugly. So along came Doug Phillips with his full-page bleeds and glossy photos of patriarchal cos-play. ReformedCon wasn’t a thing…but his influence over conservative homeschooling conventions and theobro men was. In my book I write about how these men were dominoes—one led to another—and so Christian Reconstructionism spread a wholesome image we lapped up like hope for eternal security, a safe society, and an end to radical (and threatening) change.

Over the years that followed I left it, excommunicated for writing about female saints, and with a narrow escape from the outcome of these ideologies in our home. Dominionism rose parallel to the spread of deconstruction and falling church attendance—and dominionst leaders clinging to the Seven Mountain Mandate found political power. A minority in possession of well-intentioned people of faith took increasing control of America.

We still have a chance to vote the dominionists out. But to do so we have to understand where and how they work. I hope these slides help. They were by request for sharing. Want to talk about it? Comment below and I’ll share insight + experience.

For more on the realities of Christian Fundamentalism grab my free FUNDIE CHEATSHEET, link in bio.

#fundies #christiannationalism #fundamentalism #evangelicals #focusonthefamily #iblp #dominionism #exevangelical #exmo #pentecostal

Churches have governments and sometimes, they even

Churches have governments and sometimes, they even hold votes. But I still found it interesting that when I shared videos about being forbidden to vote when I lived in Christian Fundamentalism, so many commenters on social media thought I was talking about church elections.

I was not. I was talking about participating in democracy and exercising my American freedom. Although it should’ve been a tip off that before I fell into fundamentalism, I wasn’t allowed to vote at church either.

The church plan is the Christo-Nationalist plan for the country. How they run their homes and churches is how they expect to run their Christian Nation.

That means there’s a man in charge—the pastor. Beneath him is a governing board of male elders. In some churches, this board is over the pastor. There aren’t any checks and balances. It’s kind of the luck of the draw how heavy handed leadership is. There’s tons of pressure of the women who are married to these men to keep everyone in line—it’s like the neck that turns the head. Or at least they think they do.

Leadership is the minority. The congregation is the majority who trusts them to lead (not represent.) Taking issue with a policy can be a crapshoot—the appeal process is often murky. Dissenters leave. Or are kicked out. Most of these churches aren’t known for their diversity—birds of a feather flock together.

There’s good reasons why the founders didn’t frame us like a church. Trouble is, the church folks of today seem to have forgotten that.

Want to know what else is going on behind the scenes in Christian Fundamentalism? Grab my free FUNDIE CHEATSHEET, link in bio.

#christiannationalism #gilead #democracy #fundies #christianfundamentalism #dissent #jesusandjohnwayne #patriarchy #wiving #radicalfaith #bookstagram #handmaidstale #theocracy

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