Hearing Myself Think
I’ve had a lot of negative self talk lately.
A lot of negativity, period.
When I decided to eat gently
without a scolding diet,
and to move around gently
without punishing my form,
some things began to shift.
I remembered I no longer have a garden.
Sometimes I stay inside all day,
sitting in a chair
scrolling to no end
farther than a short term task list
getting something (and also nothing) done.
I heard myself tell myself,
“You’re too fat for food.” That
I don’t deserve to eat because
I’ve become so soft and round.
That conscious cruelty to me, by me–
I don’t remember hearing it so loud.
We’ve had a week of rain;
a terrible fight on our anniversary;
an awkward coupling and too much wine.
And then the sun came out;
it’s sixty-three degrees in June.
I came outside to listen and learn.
I think some things are boiling out.
- Incongruent Truths
Grace is like a slotted spoon,
Gentleness, a gear in my transmission,
slowing me down long enough