March 16, 2015 - Tia Levings Writer

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March 16, 2015

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Seasons of Change

The featured image is my curled parsley, a mammoth plant next to a few others that actually took off and grew this winter. There are a few herbs I’ve never grown well in Florida and lo, and behold, all they seem to have needed is the right season. Three varieties of Parsley, Rosemary, ...

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I was struck that the response to Counting the Cos

I was struck that the response to Counting the Cost isn’t Jim Bob on the legal hot seat or even TLC’s witness of so much child exploitation. The response in three major outlets is about the status of Jill reconciling with Jim Bob.

It’s an expectation every survivor knows. It’s all bass ackwards. What matters with abuse exposes is accountability and healing. Survivors don’t owe their abusers forgiveness, holiday dinners, exposure to their children, explanations, or so-called “reconciliation.”

I break down the Duggar statement in this post on The Anti-Fundamentalist. Link in bio @tialevingswriter

Remember—you can get a free month by sharing with your friends.

#countingon #duggars #fundies #fundiesnark #jillduggar #19kidsandcounting #19kids #reigioustrauma #traumasurvivor #traumahealing #reconciliation #forgiveness #familyproblems #highcontrolgroup #dobetterchurch #shinyhappypeople #iblp #billgothard #honorthyfather

I’ve been doing this new thing on Substack—a S

I’ve been doing this new thing on Substack—a Sunday morning personal essay and collection of what’s feeding my mind—books, music, poetry (today is @j.warren.welch) and nature. Being behind a tiny paywall is offering me creative space to stretch and reflect in ways I don’t here in fundie-education land, but that are no less valuable to my healing journey, and I hope for yours as well.

Get it by becoming a paid subscriber to The Anti-Fundamentalist, tialevings.substack.com. Link in bio @tialevingswriter

Today’s cover image was from a quiet Sunday afternoon a few years ago with my dog, Savannah. She was a rescued fox hound I nursed through heart worm treatment. She passed two years ago after developing a neurological disorder. Savannah had anxiety too, and she always knew when I needed her gentle paw on my thigh. I held her shaking body through so many storms. Cried the day she openly ran after that difficult heart protocol. She’s not the subject of today’s brief essay but her spirit informed it.

#traumahealing #stillness #personalgrowth #religioustrauma #memoirist #foxhounds #therapyanimals #poetry #roundups #sundaymorning #thingstoreadagain

The truth is that life gets bigger outside of fund

The truth is that life gets bigger outside of fundamentalism.

It’s more colorful, diverse, interesting, fascinating, mysterious, expansive and amazing. Instead of the same ten topics and a pressure to convince and save my listener, I can converse, listen myself, leave, learn.

As a fundie, my world was the inside of my home. The teaching of my church. My Bible. The 2000 years of Judeo-Christian history. 7 day creation. Miracles then but not now. Answers for the mystery of the divine and the universe. The same handful of friends who lived and looked just like me. The same small list of permitted books, films, vacation spots, jobs.

It didn’t feel safer. It felt restrictive and dull. Tedious and boring. Oatmeal without toppings. Milk left on the table to spoil. Gross. Boring. Small.

Leaving is an opening that keeps opening, because life and this world are beautiful. Creative solutions can be sought. Fear fades away.

Read more at The Anti-Fundamentalist, my substack—tialevings.substack.com, link in bio @tialevingswriter

Paid subscribers get my weekly personal essay and roundup, the Density of Ideas, plus full access to the archives. Thanks for supporting my work!

#worldview #lifeisbeautiful #fundies #fundiesnark #afterthecult #cultrecovery #traumarecovery #religioustrauma #fundamentalism #diversitymatters #colormyworld #learnsomethingnew #broadenyourhorizons

Where are my fellow fundie survivors at? Because t

Where are my fellow fundie survivors at? Because this moment, and several of their little Easter Eggs in the Barbie movie, landed a little differently for girls who grew up in high control religion.

Austen obsession? Clothed Colin Firth fantasies? Dreams of a Prince Charming declaring his “ardent love and affection?” Fundie girls wanted to be like Lizzie, not Barbie.

Still, in recovery from fundamentalism, the depression realization smarts. Greta nailed it.

To get more on the realities of Christian Fundamentalism grab my free FUNDIE CHEATSHEET, link in bio @tialevingswriter

#barbie #barbieworld #fundies #fundiesnark #prideandprejudice #janeausten #mrdarcy #depressionbarbie #depressedbarbie #anxietybarbie #religioustrauma #highcontrolreligion #growingupchristian #itsabarbieworld #elizabethbennet #colinfirth #exevangelical #purityculture #purityculturedropout

Taking this trip has been the most anti-fundamenta

Taking this trip has been the most anti-fundamentalist, life and worth affirming choice of my life. This segment came so late after the seventh installment because the shifts I experienced required more processing time than I expected, maybe because it’s Italy, maybe because I’m here for the second time. But writing a living memoir is an experiment with lessons along the way, and this was one of them.

You can still sign up to receive IF BY SEA. There will 10 installments, total. This is the 8th. When you sign up you’ll get one a day until you’re current. TiaLevings.com/story

Link in bio @tialevingswriter

#travelogue #solotravel #eatpraylove #antifundamentalist #exfundie #exmo #exvangelical #shinyhappypeopledoc #shinyhappypeople #iblp #traumahealing #slowtravel #catania #sicily #travelwriter

Sometimes my homeschool days did look ideal. The k

Sometimes my homeschool days did look ideal. The kids would wake up sweetly and no one would be sick. They’d eat breakfast, clean up and get dressed. We’d pray and have Bible time, work on handwriting, math, and reading early, while they felt fresh. They’d take a break and play in the background, all of them getting along, while I made lunch. Everyone ate and the little ones would nap while the olders read. I napped too. Then we’d do science or history, art or music, depending on the day. Then they’d play freely while I made dinner. After daddy got home they’d have catechism and Latin while I took care of the babies. Bed by 7:30.

Those idyllic days were real and happened about two or three times a month. The rest of the time there was undiagnosed ADHD, sibling issues, late readers, tears over math, days destroyed with appointments, sniffles and vomit, Mt. Laundry, chores and home projects, “unschooling,” chronic depression, and always—the undercurrent of eggshells and abuse.

When you homeschool, there’s no where to catch a break. When you homeschool in high control religion, even wanting a break is a sin. Change your attitude, persevere, suffer well—there’s no option for anything else.

And so moms would cry in the closet so their kids wouldn’t see. We joked about it, normalizing that we were struggling so much to uphold this ideal that we were overwhelmed and miserable. But if all of us felt it, didn’t that make it normal?

I can tell you I didn’t cry in the closet over the impossibility of my circumstance, alone and bereft, after I left fundamentalism. There were always options—friends who’d encourage me and help me think creatively, other options, therapists. Today, if a woman tells me she’s crying in her closet I’m worried for her. It’s information that says something isn’t working. You’re being consumed to uphold an unrealistic ideal, mama. You need someone to see and hear you, and if no one will, then YOU see and hear you. Listen to yourself. It’s ok. Whatever you’re afraid will happen if you can’t keep going is likely not as likely as you think.

#homeschool #christianhomeschool #classicalconversations #unschooling #duggars #19kidsandcounting

When my husband led us away from our already conse

When my husband led us away from our already conservative southern Baptist church to a smaller congregation that was “quiverful family friendly,” we felt fringe and alternative. We were different on purpose. Our red Gothard textbook was ugly but packed with God’ wisdom. The world would hate us but we’d be right for Christ.

Within a couple of years though, we had commercial, glossy options like Doug Phillips’s Vision Forum. And then the Duggars landed in People magazine and Parents magazine. They got their special on TLC and then the series. ROCK STARS FOR JESUS. Celebrities like the royals. The ratings soared and so did fundie confidence.

Because as outsiders loved looking in, sometimes gawking but usually calling it “wholesome” and “harmless” and “family-friendly”…insiders found validation that what we were doing was good.

The spanking, the submission, the gender violence, the identity denial, the extremely high control and shame, the rapes, the molestations, the miseducation and total lack of it, the poverty….

I’ll never forget the day I took off the headscarf and jumper and put my jeans back on. The day I refused to spank my kids. The day I refused to be spanked. The day i bought real homeschool curriculum. The day I decided we’d be friends with public schoolers. The day I wrote my first blog post. The day I refused to put my writing in my husband’s name. The day I was excommunicated. The day I left with my kids. The day I voted.

Grab my free FUNDIE CHEATSHEET, link in bio @tialevingswriter

A WELL-TRAINED WIFE in August 2024

#countingon #19kidsandcounting #duggarfamily #duggar #iblp #billgothard #instituteofbasiclifeprinciples #fundies #southernbaptist #familyfriendly #wholesome #religioustrauma #domesticabuse #visionforum #courtship #purityculture #countingthecost #fundies #jillduggar

Did Michelle Duggar take an abortion pill? No. B

Did Michelle Duggar take an abortion pill?

No. But the way she tells the story of her early miscarriage makes it sound that way. She uses it to cajole women into becoming quiverful—refusing contraception so God can determine family size.

This pill story pre-dates Michelle’s fame. It’s the same fear-mongering rumor whispered among the followers of Bill Gothard’s Institute of Basic Life Principles (IBLP): birth control pills will kill your baby.

But the IBLP doesn’t just want big families because children are a blessing. Nor because they’re like flowers or arrows. They want big families for dominion. And because it’s nearly impossible to sustain a modern quiverful according to what we know child need and cost and deserve, women like Michelle streamline the childhood they offer their kids.

I share part of my own experience in this piece on Substack, link in bio @tialevingswriter

Want me to speak to your group about realities in fundamentalism and how to guard against them? I’m filling my Q4 calendar now. DM for inquiries.

#duggars #quiverfull #19kids #19kidsandcounting #fundies #religioustrauma #parentification #babywise #ezzo #sleeptraining #contraception #underhiseye #shinyhappypeople #iblp #billgothard #takesavillage

The opening scene in Barbie took my breath away. W

The opening scene in Barbie took my breath away. While the point was how baby dolls allow little girls to practice a single role—motherhood—that scene also encapsulated the vision Christian Fundamentalism has for little girls.

That punch happened again with the trad wives when Ken brought the patriarchy to the Barbies—and they all lost their minds to keep sweet.

And the biggest trigger of all—Pride & Prejudice in the Depressed Barbie commercial.

I still have a lot of processing to work through with what this thought-provoking movie stirred up. Check my feed for more posts and conversations on it. As promised, I moved the processing into longer form essays. This is the first of what I think will be 3.

If you’re a former fundie and went into Barbie curious and left activated, you’re not alone.

Let’s talk about it in the comments.

#barbie #duggars #quiverfull #fundies #christianfundamentalism #religioustrauma #traumatriggers #davidricho #tradwives #childhood #toysforkids #19kids #visionforum

I had such a great time meeting fellow Shiny Happy

I had such a great time meeting fellow Shiny Happy People cast mate Chad Harris in real life. Being a part of that project and standing in solidarity with fellow survivors has been an incredible experience—the kind of reclamation of community that can be a struggle post-deconstruction and what the patriarchy threatened we’d never find. @archradish85

#shinyhappypeopledoc #shinyhappypeople #deconstruction #exevangelical #iblp #fundies #fundiesnark #religioustrauma #lovewins #betterouthere

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