Hearing Myself Think

After a week of rain

I’ve had a lot of negative self talk lately.

A lot of negativity, period.

When I decided to eat gently

without a scolding diet,

and to move around gently

without punishing my form,

some things began to shift.

 

I remembered I no longer have a garden.

Sometimes I stay inside all day,

sitting in a chair

scrolling to no end

farther than a short term task list

getting something (and also nothing) done.

 

I heard myself tell myself,

“You’re too fat for food.” That

I don’t deserve to eat because

I’ve become so soft and round.

That conscious cruelty to me, by me–

I don’t remember hearing it so loud.

 

We’ve had a week of rain;

a terrible fight on our anniversary;

an awkward coupling and too much wine.

And then the sun came out;

it’s sixty-three degrees in June.

I came outside to listen and learn.

I think some things are boiling out.

  • Defensiveness
  • Labels
  • Incongruent Truths

Grace is like a slotted spoon,

Gentleness, a gear in my transmission,

slowing me down long enough

to hear.

After a week of rain

Jacksonville had a record breaking cool snap of dry air and lower temps, unheard of in June.